Updated: May 4
That's right. We tend to feel so empowered when we're angry. It's easy to blame someone or something. It's easier to tell the other person what they're doing wrong. It's easier to yell, to be mean, or to avoid someone who made us mad. And boy is it nice to receive apologies or have them make it up to us.
But do you ever question your anger? Do you ever look at it objectively and ask yourself, "Why does this make me so mad? Why am I so triggered? Why is this a trigger?"
It's funny how many times I've told a story about something that made me mad and gotten a response I didn't expect because whoever listening on the other end doesn't really relate. Some people would never get as angry about something in the same way we do - and vice versa.
And here's why.
Turns out every emotion has a general belief behind it. The beliefs behind every emotion are generally universal. In the case of anger, the belief is that there's been some sort of injustice against us. And this is where you can have some fun asking questions.
What is the injustice in this situation? What is it that makes this so unjust?
Maybe it was something a parent did to you when you were young and it triggers childhood wounds. Maybe it's triggering another belief you have about yourself you're not even conscious of that makes you particularly sensitive towards a specific situation or behaviour towards you? Maybe you're angry at yourself but you're projecting it onto someone else.
There are so many maybe's because it all depends on where your answers take you. But I assure you that although surely we have a right to feel angry about anything that triggers us - duh, we're human, there is always something that we can learn about ourselves if we peel the layers and take a look at what is underneath that anger. Trust me, there's always something to be learned.
Once you do that, you can take control of your reaction and what you need to do to take care of that emotion without putting the entire responsibility on someone else or an external circumstance. For instance, do you need to set healthy boundaries, do you need to make a request to someone, do you need to change a set of beliefs you have about something, do you need to take more care of yourself?
And when you do that, you're free baby. Staying angry isn't fun. And letting someone else or some circumstance have that amount of power over us is not really all that empowering as you think.
So next time you're angry and about to make a complaint, ask yourself a few questions and take your power back. You can't control people and their ways, and you can't control everything that happens around you - the only thing you can control is how you deal with it.